The first chapter would be titled Despair. It captures a season of scarcity and disillusionment. Unforeseen circumstances left me unable to afford many of my basic expenses, and I spent a summer buried in existential philosophy. Its themes of futility and absurdity deepened my despair. The first eight poems, ending with The Mud on My Shoes, speak to this unmoored time.

 

Redemption follows. My descent ended with a personal reckoning, a traumatic experience that brought me to my knees one night; by morning, I was changed. The poems from The Corn Farm to River Run trace this awakening, echoing the words of H.G. Wells: “Until a man has found God… he begins at no beginning and works to no end.”

 

Next is Love and Loss. I have been blessed to have loved (sometimes unrequited) and been loved. In the poems from The Hooded Nun to Shadow I explore the lights and shadows of that mysterious and multifaceted experience: longing, joy, heartbreak, and loss.

 

The fourth chapter, Impressions and Observations, spans Heaven’s Head to Abandoned Home. These poems don’t follow a particular theme; they are slices of life, moments—whether joyful or painful—that were an invitation to experience what Frederick Buechner called “the remarkable ordinary.”

 

The final chapter, Remembrance, begins with Record and reflects on a life now in middle age: the people, places, and trials, including a cancer diagnosis, that continue to shape me. Aging brings wisdom, certainly, but also raises more questions about this mysterious thing called life.

 

The arc from restless youth to contemplative maturity is of course not unique to my experience. Each of us lives our own journey and discovers meaning for ourselves. This collection is the story of my unfinished, imperfect, and still unfolding journey. I hope, in the words of Jorge Luis Borges, it contains at least “one single line worthy of staying with you to the end.”

 

—Philip Kofi Nutsugah, 2025